I write. Eight to ten hours a day, sometimes more. Seven days a week, I sit at my computer, or curl up on the couch with my iPad and I write. I open my mind, think of my characters and the words flow. New worlds emerge from my fingertips and I’m in heaven as I experience every up and down my characters go through. There are some days I am positively panting and wanting a smoke, lol. But the next day I get up and carry on wondering what next exciting thing is going to happen.
There are those who are close to me who might complain that I don’t have a life, but I love what I do. Every night at around 6pm my little Scruffy comes into my office and sits at my feet, letting me know it’s time to play. I take myself out for lunch sometimes, with my iPad, and when my kids come down to see me, I spend time with them of course. But for the most part, I write. It’s my life and I love it.
“What’s the point of this post then”, I can hear you asking. “I enjoy your books. You haven’t put one out this month yet. Shouldn’t you be back finishing Liam’s Lament or The Necromancer’s Smile?” Well, yes, I should be and thank you for pointing that out, but I had to post today. You see a horrible thing happened on Facebook today and it seriously made me wonder whether I should continue with what I do. Someone, well a couple of someone’s actually, suddenly thought they could control what I do – take credit for it even; insinuate themselves into my lives and gently wrest my lovely readers from my caring hands under the guise of friendship.
I couldn’t allow that; my readers who are a source of inspiration, hope, excitement and love deserved more than that. So, with tears pouring down my face, I asked the admin of my beloved Paranormal group to shut it down. It was gutting. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to willing destroy the social media presence of people I considered good friends, and yet, my friends, that is exactly what happened and why I did what I did.
I don’t understand how this happened. I don’t even know why it happened. I just know that some good friends of mine were hurt by others pretending to be my friends. And me, I just wanted to write. I steadfastly avoid conflict online of any kind. But in this case I couldn’t bury my head in the sand and pretend it wasn’t happening because it was my friends being hurt through suspensions and banning on Facebook.
And that is why I needed to write this post – to let you know where I stand on this. I have always enjoyed every single post, comment, message and more from my readers. Every day there is something new to see that one of my lovely readers thinks I would enjoy. And I do enjoy them every day, and my group was a big part of that. Now my group is being refashioned into a fan club and I won’t be a part of that. I wasn’t even told about it. I have my teaser group on Facebook of course, and for now I will keep that running although I don’t know for how long.
Because you see, I am not sure now if I can write, or if I should. I am not sure I can fill my pages with HEAs when some people I trusted are just so hateful. When some people can take my reputation that I have worked solidly 365 days a year for four years to build, and try and destroy it. Forty books I have written in that time. Forty stories full of love and caring; all crafted to make my readers smile as they come to the end of them. The jealousy and hatred behind the online actions I experienced today floored me. I would never in my worst nightmare cause issues for other people online or off. I care for every single person who I consider my friend.
So now I am a little bit battered and a lot sad; I am questioning that huge thing that is my life. And yes, I am reaching out to you from my safe space. I desperately need to know from those who love what I do, that it’s worth my continuing. Today of all days, I need to know that what I do means something to someone. Because I write, you see, and if I didn’t write, then I wouldn’t have a clue who I was anymore. I’m just not sure that I can right now.
Hug the one you love my friends.